On Parenting, a Reminder from Fred Rogers, and Becoming a Transforming Presence

A Note from Me

One of the hardest days of my life as a parent was when I saw my own sin mirrored in my kids. It wasn’t a general tendency, but a very specific flaw I recognized instantly as mine. To watch it replayed in them was crushing. I wanted to change fast enough to prevent it. But I couldn’t. My weakness had already taken root.

That day reminded me that I can’t pass on only the parts of myself I wish. My children inherit both the light and the shadows. Some habits are worth handing down—things like kindness, gratitude, or patience. But some vices will slip through no matter how hard I try. That realization could leave me in despair.

Instead, I’m learning to own it. To apologize. To keep showing them that I, too, need grace. What matters most isn’t being a perfect parent. It’s being a transforming one. My kids don’t need an image of flawlessness; they need a picture of someone learning to be healed. This, more than anything, shows them the way forward. Because none of us are exempt—we all must learn to walk with God toward freedom.

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A Voice from the Christian Tradition

“A mother said to me: ‘I wonder how many parents feel the way I do trying to juggle the raising of our own children while I’m still sorting out my own childhood problems!’ I tried to reassure her that most parents probably had those same feelings. After thinking about it, though, I realized that she had touched on an important part of what raising children means to all of us.When a person becomes a parent, he or she will not only live through the experiences of the new child but will relive many of the experiences of the old child he or she once was. Reliving is an inseparable part of parenting.”—Fred Rogers, Many Ways to Say I love You​

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A Question to Carry

How do you practice being a transforming presence rather than a perfect one?

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With you on the journey,

—Jon